hello.

i started this recording for two reasons.  1) a dear friend suggested that it might be more cathartic than screaming into a pillow, and 2) i lost my password to the old blog.
ah, well.

speaking of, i should probably post a link to the old one.  hmm.

anyway, the catharsis i/she spoke of is to work out a massive crumbling in my life currently.  my partner of nearly 3 years and i are... having issues.  now the first reaction, i understand, is "why should i care, this happens to everyone all the time"  to which i answer, you are correct.  now go away, this is my therapy, not your entertainment. 

anyway, i have a horrid habit of becoming attached.  or i should say, encouraging attachment.  something about me just generates ridiculous level of trust and devotion in those close to me.  oh my, i left out an s in that sentence.  ah well.
well, my partner is one such victim of my... condition.  and she has built her life around me in such a ludicrous manner, to the point that i am unsure about her well-being should i leave.  now this is uncomfortable enough as it is, but the truly appalling part is that i have unwittingly nurtured this co-dependency for just under 3 years.  actually, longer, if i'm honest.

now, i must pause and express what i seem to have overlooked.  i am also utterly dependent on her.  i have spent three years of my life planning the next thirty, all around her.  aha!  a twist!

alright not really.  but despite the fact that i am breaking inside, my main concern is, and must be, her.
i have remained a broken shell for most of my paltry existence, and i shall continue to do so.  but i actually succeeded in making her life better, and i do not wish all our work to go to waste just because i have faded. 

hm.
my cathartic urge has vanished. 
hm.

i suppose i shall continue my story in part two, the tale of the vanishing sympathies!

eventually, i suppose this medium will probably serve the purpose of its predecessor and play home to piss-poor poems, songs and philosophical meanderings, punctuated occasionally by quirky novellas or childish rants.  for more of the above, feel free to visit my long forgotten page, with a link somewhere... here.  i suppose i will "follow" myself, or some such nonsense...
good day.